Educating the People

How many of us used the phrase, "I can't wait until (insert a specific date or event)?" A kid may say, "I can't wait for Christmas", even though it may be months away. I don't think I have ever stopped and actually think about the depth of that phrase; "I can't wait". I can't wait means to wish time away. It is a daily phrase. We all said it. I used to say, "I can't wait to die." And you know what the scariest thing about that is? I could have made that happen at any point, thus, end the waiting.

Some people will never understand that. People who suffer from Depression know exactly what I mean. You are probably nodding your head as you read this. "Yeah, he's right. I've been there." And if you're reading this, that means you are still here and you may have seek treatment. For that, I applaud you. But what about those out there reading this feeling or thinking, "I am unsure. Maybe I felt like that before or on more than one occasion". Some people are still suffering in silence. Please re-read the last two lines of paragraph 1. Now, think about that. If you have ever had a thought like that, please seek help. You're not crazy. Trust me, I have been there. Words like 'insane', 'crazy', or 'mental' are words that offend me now. If you say it to me, I will let you know you are ignorant. You won't like it.

I refer to the dictionary a lot. I did it for these words. Crazy is 'mentally deranged; demented; insane.' OK. So insane is 'not sane; not of sound mind; mentally deranged.' OK. I am not those things. Other people that suffer from Mental Illness are not those things. My illness is obviously treatable. How do I know? I am not dead. When Depression brings you to the darkest depths of your mind, you have options. 1. Fight the demons alone. 2. Seek help from a professional. 3. Cope with the monsters. 4. Death. Unfortunately, option 4 is usually the most common thought. I have envisioned my death seven different ways. Not planned, but thought, "Hey, I am better off to everyone by not being here." I know it isn't true, but for some reason that I cannot explain, I still feel and think that way. I know my parents love me. But during my darkest hour, I felt I was better off to them dead. I felt and thought my son was better off with me dead. Having no control over those types of thoughts are scary. If you ever thought like that before, you understand or need to seek help like I did. Don't be afraid of asking for help.

Don't be ashamed about seeking help. I live and work in a small town. 1000 plus people show up to my workplace and pay to watch a product I helped build. It's a result based job. I am super lucky. I know it. It's a small town. I was scared I may see people during my hospital stay that may recognize me. I was scared people would see me as a 'crazy' person because I was in the Psychiatric Unit at the local hospital. It was a huge fear of mine the first week or so in the hospital. I didn't know if I was going to be chained to a bed or placed in a padded room. Again, we fear the unknown. My mind painted that picture based on something I previously saw on TV or in a movie. There were no chains. Actually, there were many caring people and helpful resources. No strait jackets. It was great and helpful. Don't let stereotypes or biases or stigma or shame prevent you from getting help.

This next sentence or question is very tough for me. I am scared of myself, so how do I expect people not to be scared of me? Don't be scared people. Don't judge me until you get to know me. Talk to me. Understand me. Understand I am a person; not an illness. I am working on bettering myself and loving myself. That's where it starts. It starts with me. I need to love me. The good, the bad, and the ugly. Once I can do that, others will as well. Hard to love a dark, heartless, selfish, insensitive person that you can't stand to look at in the mirror. I have now come to terms with that and ridding myself of those demons. I hated myself for many years. Time for that to stop. Realizing I was sick and talking about it was the first step. And a big step.

I am not a preacher. Or a doctor. I am me. This is what I have read. I want to create awareness, not just for the others that suffer, but for everyone. If I ask 100 people that don't suffer from cancer what cancer is, I bet that most can give me some idea of what it is or types of cancer. If I ask 100 people that don't suffer from Mental Illness what it is or types of Mental Illness, I bet that number drops significantly. So, let me take you to school;

A) Language Matters

1. Pay attention to the words you use about Mental Illness

2. Educate yourself. Learn, know, and talk more about it. Understand the signs. (I will get to that)

3. Be kind. Small acts of kindness speak a lot.

4. Listen and Ask. Sometimes it is just best to ask.

5. Talk about it. Start a dialogue. Break the silence.

This is not my words. This is from a doctor. Not me. I am just passing along the info.

B) Signs & Symptoms

1. No desire. No Motivation. No jump to get after things. Nothing. I hated life.

2. Losing passion for things you loved. I started losing my passion for hockey.

3. Feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, and guilt. Check, check, and check. Had all three.

4. Loss of appetite or overeating. I lost my appetite. I didn't eat.

5. Adding or losing weight. In three or four days, I dropped 15 pounds.

6. Thoughts of suicide. Yeah, I was there for a long time.

7. Lack of interest in social activity. I avoided people because I didn't want them to see or ask how I was because I would give them a lie. When someone says "not bad", ask again.

8. Sleeping or not sleeping. I couldn't sleep at night. Up all hours. I would sleep in the day.

9. Lack of concentration or ability to make decisions. Yeah, definitely was me.

10. Loss of sexual desire. Again, that was me. Wasn't anyone's fault.

11. Lack of energy and being fatigued. This was 100% me. Knew this was a problem for years, but never said anything or done anything about it.

12. Alcohol, drugs, or gambling. I coped with the latter.

If you or someone you know experience a lot of the above for an extended period of time, they or you may suffer from Depression. I am not diagnosing anyone. I am just speaking from my experience. Remember that. I am not a doctor or professional.

C) Types of Depression

Whoa! Wait! There are types of Depression? Yes there are.

i) Major Depression. If you go 12 for 12 in section B, go seek help immediately. Please.

ii) Moderate Depression (Dysthymia). Less severe, but lasts longer.

iii) Situational/Adjustment disorder with Depression. Major life stressor or crisis.

iv) Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Occurs times of year when there isn't much sunlight.

v) Postpartum Depression. Women may experience after birth.

vi) Bipolar Depression. Extreme highs and lows in mood and behaviour. Don't tell someone they are Bipolar as a joke, because you know what, they very well may be in every medical way possible. Don't be ignorant.

D) Facts

-18.8 million Adult Americans are affected.

-Two-Thirds still do not get the necessary help. That's about 12.5 million Americans.

-Most Depression is found in 15-24 year olds. Just don't assume they are having a bad day because they are a teenager. Listen to them. They need someone.

-Alcohol is a depressant. Exercise is an anti-depressant. Figure it out.

-Biological, environmental, lifestyle and personal attitudes are factors/stressors.

-The "Blues". People may have a bad day or couple bad days. Depression has more to it. Like weeks, months, and years.

E) Professional Help

Yes, it is available. More than you know. If we had the flu or diabetes, we would seek help. Mental Illness is medical. Remember that and do not feel shame. It's not your fault.

I am being medicated. Many others are too. I will be seeing a therapist. Many others do too. There is In-patient therapy. I was in a hospital for three weeks. Electroconvulsive Shock Therapy (ECT). Well, what's that? That, is a form of treatment. It is electrical stimulus to induce a cerebral seizure under controlled conditions. It is has been spoke about with me. It is unknown if I have to go down this road, but it was talked about before.

There are many forms of treatment. Please seek help if you need it.

This is just some basic information. It is all something I experienced, so that is why I talk about it. I can't speak for anyone else. This is what I learned. If I can learn this information, so can you. Take some time. Educate yourself. Chances are, someone you know is suffering. It may even be you.

Yours Truly,

T.J. Smith