This week can be described by the following terms;
Humbling.
Overwhelming.
Gratifying.
Touching.
It is Mental Illness Awareness Week 2017, and it was a busy week.
I was given the privilege and honour to speak in front of about 700 students at three different educational institutions in Truro, Nova Scotia. It was the first time I spoke about my life and my mental illness in front of a live audience.
It was a life changing experience for me, and I hope, for the people that listened to me.
Before I go any further, or you, as the reader make the assumptions, "it's not a big deal", or "stop talking about yourself T.J.", I want to tell you all why I always wanted to do this.
After speaking in front of 600 high school students, a student approached me and I could see it in his eyes that he was about to tell me something powerful and emotional.
As he fought back the tears, he courageously told me this;
"Two days ago, I was going to commit suicide. I was in a bad spot and I was looking for a sign, and I feel hearing you speak today was that sign for me."
I was instantly humbled and proud of that boy having the intestinal fortitude to share that with me. I wanted to hug him. I told him that I would be there for him if he needed anything and encouraged him to keep fighting.
I did not expect to hear that today. I may never hear from that kid again, I hope I do, but by sharing my story, I gave him some hope, and all he needs is hope to continue to be a warrior. If you read this, you my friend are a strong and inspiring individual and if there is anything I can ever do for you, please contact me.
Just before that young man shared his story with me, a young lady approached me. She looked at me simply asked, "What happened to you as a child?"
I looked at her with confusion on my face. I replied, "What do you mean?"
She quickly asked the same question again. I told her basically everything I talked about in my childhood was what happened. In the presentation, I gave a chronological recap of my life.
Now we were both somewhat confused with this conversation.
Then she made a comment along the lines of this;
"Well, something must have happened to you as a child."
She was eluding to the fact that because I have mental illnesses, something must have happened in my early years. Mental illness is not a simple equation like, A+B=C.
That's not how it works.
So, I told her nothing traumatic happen to me as a child, that it was later in my life that I started to notice the signs and symptoms of depression.
She said, "Oh", and then went about her business.
What did that quick exchange tell me?
That young person was not informed and educated on aspects of mental illness. That is not necessarily her fault. That's just how it is. She presumed there had to be a precursor for my illness. Maybe there was, but not in my childhood.
For me, it is important to speak to these students. I want to share my message of being at the very edge and give them a message of hope. Before October is over, I will have reached over 800 students. I think they are engaged with my story. I can relate with them as I am not too far removed from their age. I coach that age group in hockey. I get the stresses and struggles in their lives. Empathy is a skill I have to connect with these kids. When I listen, I just don't listen to the words. I listen for the emotion and the pain that they have. When I say I completely understand, they know I am not lying.
I need to continue to share my message of hope and recovery. It is often a predetermined thought that because you have an illness of any nature, that it is impossible for recovery. If you hear the word cancer, we instantly think of the worse. When we hear depression or schizophrenia, we automatically think of a chronic struggle with no chance of a meaningful life. My goal is to change this thought process with our youth. It will not happen over night, but it is possible if they become educated and want to be leaders in their schools.
My message is simple. Hope is MANDATORY. With hope, it is amazing what we can accomplish as humans. Hope comes in many forms for many people.
I will keep spreading that message and inspire people to keep fighting. And for those that are not fighting mental illness, I will continue to educate them to be more sympathetic and helpful to those of us that have our daily, internal struggles.
Because of these speaking opportunities, I have had people from my home province of Newfoundland and Labrador reach out to me about talking to schools back home. I hope (again with that word) that I can do this. I think it is worth an hour of the students time to listen to someone to that has been through the experience of dealing with mental illness.
I don't know if I have saved someone's life, but I know I have got their attention and have helped.
I do not need much time. Just an audience to share my story and message with. Words can be powerful. They are even more powerful when they are real and raw. I am not a story teller.
I see myself as an Inspiration Speaker.
"Start by doing what is necessary; then do what's possible; and suddenly, you are doing the impossible."
- Francis of Assisi
Yours Truly,
T.J. Smith
