Accepting Me and Parenting Knowledge

There are a lot of people in this country that don't quite understand Mental Health issues. I am not getting into that. I only know what Depression can do to a person. To his family. To his friends. To his son. To his partner. I know. I lived that hell. I hid it. Not very well. But enough. So my next sentence maybe my most important one ever.

I have accepted that I have a Mental Illness; so should you. Last time I checked, I am a human being. Not an illness. Don't worry if I cough around you. My illness is not contagious. I have said from the start of this fight; Depression doesn't define who I am. I am a person. Just like the 7 billion others on this planet. Please treat me as such. Don't look at me and say, "There's T.J., don't talk to him. He's Depressed." Listen, I will make this point bluntly and clear; if you don't want to talk to me or be in my life, just tell me. I want transparency. I am not a plague.

I have become good at perceiving people. Someone recently asked me, "Do people talk to you differently?" Yes. Some do. They got to right because I am cookoo. I am gone off my rocker. Easy folks. Do yourself a favour. Read. Yeah, read. Learn about Mental Health. Don't make assumptions. Educate yourself. Don't be ignorant. A lot of you Retweet #BellLetsTalk in January. Take 10 minutes and maybe read about what you're supporting. If you don't want to learn more about it. That's fine. It's your life. But don't criticize. Don't speak of what you do not know. Don't assume you know what Mental Health is about. I learned so much in the last two months. I used to assume. Thought being depressed was a mood. A feeling I could kick. I was wrong. Almost dead.

I am not saying you need to know every fact. No. But familiarize yourself with the basics. I read another blog the other night. There are about 3,500 suicides in Canada per year. Anyone good at math? How many is that daily? Scary stuff? Absolutely it is. What else is scary? Cancer. Yeah, cancer is a scary mother. But we, as a society, tend to be more comfortable talking about that. But that "S" word. Boy, better not talk about that. Well, how can we learn about it if we don't talk about it? I am a Human Resources Major from a pretty good business school. One thing I learned from a very smart professor is that adults learn better with repetition. Repeat. I will continue to reiterate about Mental Health. Someone used to tell me I ask stupid questions. I tell my son there is no such thing as stupid questions. If you do not know, ask. Even if it may sound silly in your head. I ask questions that people think are stupid. I don't care. Not looking for their approval. Just an answer. A question could be like this, "What types of Mental Illnesses are there?" Simple question. Many answers. Don't be afraid to ask about anything. There are never stupid questions. Just ignorant people.

 

I am going to identify a particular group. Parents and guardians. Yeah. I am talking to you. I can have an opinion because I am parent. I am going to challenge you. And in this challenge, you will find your true self. This will show yourself how well of a parent you are. I saw a line in a book I am reading. I am paraphrasing, but it was like, "who you truly are surfaces only when you're placed in a position of discomfort." Your child telling you that they have thought about suicide is most likely the most discomfort you may ever feel. You must educate yourselves. If your children cannot speak to you, who will they speak to? You need to be there for them. You need to support them. I am not asking you to understand their thoughts and feelings. For example, my parents cannot even begin to understand where my thoughts take me. The places it brings me. There is no light there. But they don't need to feel or think what I am. They need to learn about Mental Health. They have been researching online and asking questions about Depression. Learn what help there is for people that suffer. Learn the different types of Mental Illnesses. Learn that using certain words does hurt. It hurts a lot. But we don't tell you, because you do not know. You need to find out more about it. Ask questions. Parents are not suppose to bury their kids. So, please, if your child needs you, regardless of age, (I am 29 and I needed my parents badly), help them. It's not your fault that they have an illness. It's nobody's. If they had cancer, you be doing whatever you could do to help them. Do the same for their Mental Health. Instead of adding to the problem, become a part of the solution. Is there a perfect answer for everyone out there? No. But put in an effort to help. Again, if your own child cannot look to you for guidance or support, who do they turn to? The demons inside of them? I hope not.

I can openly talk to my parents about suicide and other dark thoughts now. Before I couldn't. They wouldn't like it, or tell me to give it up or they wouldn't know much about it. Now they know I have a REAL illness that requires REAL medical procedures. Create an environment where your kids can feel comfortable talking about Mental Health issues. Don't be scared to learn more. Your child needs you. There are many websites out there. A quick Google search on "Mental Health" or "Depression" or "Anxiety" will point you in the right direction.

We need to talk more about it. It is not a weakness. I am not weak because I am emotional and can shed a tear. I am not weak because I express my feelings. I am not weak because I had thoughts of suicide. I am not weak because I cannot control some thoughts. I am not weak by admitting I have demons inside of me. I am not weak by seeking help. I am not weak because I swallow four to six pills daily to make me feel better. I am not weak because I feel lonely.  I am not weak because some days I cannot smile. I am not weak because I lean on my parents for support. I am not weak because of this illness. Rather, I am strong.

I am strong because of my family. I am strong because of doctors and nurses. I am strong because of social workers and psychiatrist. I am strong because of my friends. I am strong because of my son. I am strong because of my medication. I am strong because of strangers. I am strong because I express my feelings. I am strong because I can talk about suicide. I am strong because I can fight my inner devil. I am strong because I can take the pain of punches from the beast inside. I am strong because of music. I am strong because of words. I am strong because life is worth living. I am strong because I can shed a tear. I am strong because I am emotional. I am strong because I wasn't ashamed of my illness and got help. I am strong because I refuse to lose. I am strong because I am declining Death's invitation.

"A hero is an ordinary individual who finds the strength to persevere and endure in spite of overwhelming obstacles." -Christopher Reeve

Yours Truly,

T.J. Smith