Suicide is the deliberate act of self-inflicting death. The
very meaning of the word can create fear. I have begun to read and educate
myself on the topic. Why? Simple answer; because I have thought about it often.
I need to understand the facts about suicide.
According to a Suicide Prevention pamphlet I am reading at
the hospital, my level of suicide is 'dangerous'. The formula that equates to
'dangerous' is; Depression + Recent Trigger Event + Presence of Weapon.
Equation makes sense to me. I can rationale with that.
It is a tough topic to talk about, but for me, it has to be
talked about. You don't know what you don't know. Truth be told, I have a lot
of the signs and symptoms. I am amazed I am alive. Mostly because of my
Depression. There are obvious clues to someone thinking about suicide, and
there are mixed clues. There are also hidden clues.
An example of an obvious clue is blunt. If someone says,
"I am going to kill myself" or "I am better off dead", take
notice and not play it off as nothing. Also, don't be scared if you hear that line.
Take it seriously. Hidden or mixed clues may consist of buying a weapon, making
a will, change in personality, loneliness cause by living alone, and withdrawal
from friends and family. There are more behaviours, but these can be more
noticeable. It is valid information.
It is not a joking matter. I have begun to pick it up in
everyday conversation. People saying they rather be dead or make a hand gesture
with a gun to their head. Although, they may be kidding, a person like me, I
take it serious, more so than ever. We, as a whole, are afraid of suicide.
Especially discussing it. Fear that you may be considered "nuts" or
"crazy". Actually, you're not any of those words. You're a human
being. Don't be scared to ask questions and find out more about suicide.
There is discomfort in talking about suicide. I don't have
it anymore. I speak openly and freely about it. I am not shamed. I need to
speak about it. It is a reoccurring topic with my doctors and nurses. In a run
of a week, suicide or thoughts relating to suicide come up 40-50 times. They
are unplanned thoughts. I don't choose to think like that. And at the present
moment, I don't have the coping ability to prevent them. That is something I am
working on, along with the medication.
I understand why people commit suicide. I truly do. What
would you do if you had an unwanted bug or rodent is your house? You would
exterminate it. Kill it. Well, someone committing suicide has their
"house" full of rodents and unwanted guest. They want to gas them
out. Kill them. They cannot take it anymore. The pain is unbearable and death
gets rid of the pain. The threshold is too high. People tend to like easy.
Suicide, unfortunately is the easy solution. But it is not the right decision!
Here is my view on the 'easy' path. To get in shape with a
nice body, you must work hard at it. To have a healthy and loving relationship,
you must work hard. To be successful at a desired career, you must work hard.
To be a supportive and caring parent, you must work hard at it. So, to have a
meaningful and exciting life, you must work hard. My secret? Well, my secret is
accepting hard work. I will need to work hard to stay alive. I need to work
hard every day just so I can see tomorrow. I need to work hard to fight my
illness. It may not show physically, but I work hard mentally. The physical
work is easy compared to my mental hard work. Thus, I have accepted and
welcomed the fact that I must work hard every day to stay alive.
Let's talk more about suicide. People, well, most people,
don't kill themselves because of other people. They kill themselves because
they hate themselves. It takes away the pain. Professional help is available.
It isn't the last hope or final solution. Rather, it should be a wakeup call to
get help. There is no shame in that. When dealing with Mental Illness, pride
needs to be put aside to get help. You're not weak. You're strong. Not seeking
help is not smart. It takes strength and courage. But that is inside of us all.
Find that strength and courage and keep fighting. You're not alone, and in the
words of Eminem, "Let's walk this world together."
"We can consciously end our life almost anytime we choose. This ability is an endowment, like laughing and blushing, given to no other animal... in any given moment, by not exercising the option of suicide, we are choosing to live."
- Peter McWilliams
Yours Truly,
T.J. Smith
grt
ReplyDelete