30 Thoughts and Facts

I am a fan of Elliotte Friedman. He is a journalist with Hockey Night in Canada and I have always enjoyed his writing and his professionalism on TV. He has a Blog called “30 Thoughts”. It is a good and organized read. I have written a lot over the past few months to express my thoughts and feelings and to help others. I am stealing Mr. Friedman’s template to write my own thoughts and facts. These ideas of mine have developed from other things I have read, some soul-searching, and self-reflection. It’s amazing how many thoughts cross your mind when you are in a Psych Ward with no internet or mobile device. The feelings and thoughts just pour out from my heart and mind.

There are some controversial topics, but I am comfortable with telling all. No need to lie or tell secrets. I am at ease with whom and what I am. So here I go.

1. Being mentally tough is stronger than being physically strong. Tough times do not last. Tough people do.

      2. Your fears can be conquered. Like many things in life, it is not easy to defeat the fears, but it is possible. Quite possible.

3         3 .  Much like #1, mental and emotional pain hurts more than physical pain. Bruises and cuts heal relatively quick compared to the damage that can be done in your mind and in your heart.

      4. I do have one fear; Never finding love. I am ready for it now. I try not to worry on the future or be anxious, but who can ever love a man suffering from Depression? Too much risk for that person….in their mind, not in mind.

      5.  Love cannot be forced. We may have feelings for others but we cannot force or control someone to love us back. Love can create complexity if it is not real, thus it is not true.

      6. I didn’t know what love was until I became self-aware and admitted to my faults and flaws as a person. Understanding who I am is crucial for me to be able to open up and begin to love another being.

      7. There were points in my life where I questioned my sexuality. Yes, there were times when I thought I may be gay. In the depths of my Depression, I didn’t know who or what I was. I wasn’t scared of the answer. I just wanted to know the answer.

      8. As per #7, I was confused. Being a man in such a masculine sport, I had trouble with understanding myself. There were many thoughts and personal theories. I finally got an answer.

            9. I love women. I think their beauty is insurmountable. I believe there is beauty in them all and they all have their own unique ways in displaying it.

     10.  I say and express the tough thoughts or thoughts I am not supposed to have. Basically, I have no problem to say what I am thinking or say what others are thinking. For example, I have thought about tying a rock to my waist and jumping off one of the bridges in Halifax.

     11.  Keeping feelings and thoughts bottled up inside can cause internal and emotional scars.  Do not keep feelings locked away. They are meant to be shared with others.

      12.  Be kind to others. We can control some things in this world- Kindness is atop of the list. It will make you a better person. It can also be contagious.

      13.  Change starts with you. You will need help and direction but ultimately to change, the decision starts with you. Make it yours.

      14.  Do not be afraid to ask questions and ask for help. Do not be too proud to receive assistance from others. Honestly, if I didn’t ask for help, I would be dead. It kept me alive.

      15.  Be a positive role model for our youth. Everyone may not be a leader, but everyone can help our young ones make good choices.

      16.  I am not afraid of dying. I spoke with the devil and his demons. They didn’t get me to join their team. They are cowards and pretenders.

      17.  I do not need alcohol to have a good time. I was tested last weekend. I passed with flying colours. Will I ever drink again? No one knows, but I could see it happening.

      18.  My smile is now genuine. It used to be fake. I was a poser. I hid behind something that wasn’t real. Those days are behind me. I love to smile!

      19.  I want to help people that suffer from Mental Illness. I can provide peer support to others. Together we can beat this. So far, I am living proof. A survivor.

   

      20.  Suicidal thoughts are very real to me, but they do not make me crazy. It means I am opened, concerned, and comfortable about my well-being. I want to continue to live.

      21.  I am broke, jobless, and in debt. That doesn’t mean I have to be sad, hopeless, and troubled. Some of the richest people on this planet are the most unhappiness. It appears that they have it all. They have no idea.

      22.  Money and material things are great to have. I would love to have my own house, car, and job. But I rather have my friends, family, and smile. There is not monetary value on those ‘real’ things.

      23.  I am not a religious guy. That being said, I believe there was a man named Jesus. I just need more proof. I need more proof because science and what I believe in most has helped me stay alive.

      24.  What do I believe in most? I have faith in myself and people. I have overcome so many obstacles. I didn’t do it on my own. I had help. Help from people. My faith lies with me and them. The greatest weapon on Earth is people. It can be used for good and bad, unfortunately.

      25.  I am very self-aware. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I work hard to keep up with my strengths and even harder to improve my weakness. Life is a process. Growth is critical.

      26.  I love math. My dad was a high school math teacher. Numbers and stats are easy for me. I have no idea why writing has overtook that passion for numbers.

      27.  This may seem silly, but if I had not journaled my experience, I believe I would be dead. Expressing me has been one of the most imperative coping mechanisms for me.

      28.   Hope, Inspiration, and Strength are three words that I live by. They will be etched into my skin.I now understand them and believe in them.

      29.  My attitude determines how well I do in life. I may not be the best looking, or the strongest, or smartest, but my attitude towards life will be second to none. I believe it is the key to a happy life.

      30.  Lastly, if you are not happy, do not suffer. Find it now. Life isn’t as short as people say, but it isn’t to be wasted. Do not go through the motions. Make those motions into some special. Make your life special. Second chances are few and far between. Do what makes you happy. You deserve that.

“Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself.”

                                                                                    - Leo Tolstoy

Yours Truly,

T.J. Smith