Most of the blogs or
writings I do are my own opinions, thoughts, and feelings. This one will be no
different. Since breaking the silence of my Depression, it is safe to say, my
life has been drastically different. It has been good and bad. No different
than most people.
I am a huge advocate
for Mental Health. That is a given. So, when I can read an article about it, I
do. I am always learning about it. I have learnt so much in six months. I am
excited to continue my learning and helping others along the way.
Today, I saw an article
on Twitter. It caught my attention. So, of course, I read it. I thought after I
read it, “This could be used for my next Blog.” What I did was copied and paste
the article, since I didn’t write it. After each point, in bold print, I added
some feedback, good or bad, to the foregoing point. It is from the U.K. It is
fascinating to see how other parts of the world view Mental Health. So, here I
go.
Whether we want to admit it or not, we all wear masks in our
public lives.
If we want to succeed in our careers we put on civilized,
friendly, efficient faces.
If we want to keep the peace with our friends over Brexit we laugh
at their jokes, focus on their good points and ignore the things we disagree
with.
If we want an easy life with our families we tell relatives what
they want to hear and present the version of ourselves we know they want to
see.
When it comes to mental illness, it can be hard to challenge
the prejudice, ignorance and fear associated with it because everyone’s so
busy being polite.
Or maybe you’re too afraid to let your own mask drop and be honest
about your mental illness because you’re afraid of the stigma.
Because, make no mistake, stigma is real and it’s like a weight.
Here are 10 things I wish people understood about mental illness
and stigma.
1. People are still
afraid of those with mental illness
It’s bad enough that horror films and TV shows are still filled
with plots in which the explanation for why someone is murdered is simply ‘they
were killed by a madman’.
What’s worse is that, in real life, mental illness is also
suggested as an explanation for someone’s actions.
Newspapers may have stopped dubbing people with mental illness
‘crazy,’ or ‘lunatics’ but now some still replace these terms with a mental
health condition.
Would you do this with a physical condition? Would you say ‘diabetic
goes on a rampage’? No.
And that is relevant because…
This may come across
rude or ignorant, but if you ever refer to me as a ‘madman’, ‘crazy’, and/or
‘lunatic’ in a non-joking manner, I will punch you square in the face. And I
have been working on my punch too. Those words really hit home with me, and
others who suffer from Mental Illness. Be respectful, though you may never
understand. I believe the last line says it all. I suffer from Major
Depression. I am not ‘crazy’ because I spent time in a Psychiatric Unit, where
the staff treated me as a person and not as an illness and helped save my life.
Be mindful of the words you use. They can be disrespectful and hurtful.
2.
People with mental illnesses are no more violent than anyone else
The
majority of people who kill other people are perfectly sane.
Some
people may feel safer in their beds at night if the ‘crazies’ were locked away
but the truth is you’re more likely to be killed by someone without a mental
illness than with one.
In
fact, people with mental illnesses are about 10 times more likely to be the victims of violence than
‘sane’ perpetrators.
Got to love the United Kingdom was
of writing. They didn’t hold anything back with this point. I am not violent,
even though I said I would punch someone earlier. I am actually the furthest
thing from violent. The only time I ever fought or hit someone, and trust me,
this was a rarity, was in hockey. I never was in a physical bar fight or
anything of that nature. I have shot my mouth off drunk in a bar before, being
a hero et al. That was just me being a stupid drunk. My experience is, Major
Depression hasn’t caused me to be violent. The only person I wanted to hurt was
I. No one else.
3.
Talking to your employer about your mental health can be a lottery
Workplace discrimination is illegal. However, 48 per cent of people with a mental health problem
still say they would not be comfortable telling their employer about their
illness.
Why? I would think this is probably because really you don’t know
how sympathetic or knowledgeable your boss and colleagues will (or won’t) be
until you’ve done it.
Very true statement and
something I have somewhat experienced personally. There is no secret. I got
fired from my job. I have had Depression for years, but no one knew until
January 2016. Every morning I left my house, instead of putting on my coat, I
put on my mask. I had everyone fooled. No one could tell. I was scared to tell
people because I was fearful of the ramifications. I am smarter now. I am no
longer fearful of people’s opinions or thoughts. I can guarantee some of you
reading this have yet to tell your boss or anyone at your workplace. Some of
you work with people that have a Mental Illness. It is real and all around us.
4. Even the most well-meaning
of friends can put their foot in it
If you’ve talked to a friend about your illness and they’re
supportive, great. But even the kindest can misunderstand, or make assumptions,
or say things that hurt unintentionally.
But it works both ways – asking them not to joke about something
or use a certain word should work.
Again, an excellent
observation and to the point. My friends have been super supportive. I have
surrounded myself with caring, supportive, and understanding people.
Communication is key. I cannot expect my friends to understand what I am
dealing with if I do not speak to them about it. I find myself every day or
second day, telling someone about my experiences with Depression or my
medications, or about my ECT’s. You cannot expect your friends to understand if
you don’t talk about it with them. And don’t lie to them- they care.
5. Some
people will use your illness as a stick to beat you with
It’s that playground thing of picking a perceived weakness
(weight, nose size, skin colour, hair do).
It can happen at work, with ‘friends’ or in relationships.
Still, on the plus side, you soon find out who the decent people
are.
This hasn’t happened to
me yet. Again, I have the people in my life that I need to survive and care
genuinely about me and my health. If someone feels they need to make fun of me
and my illness, I guess that just demonstrates who they really are as a person
and those are the people that are ignorant and have zero respect. Those are
people I do not want in my life. I am sure most of you feel the same.
6.
Others will use it as an excuse to see you as an object of pity
I recently overheard a woman say she’d ‘have to be nice to me’ now
she’d found out I was bipolar.
Such people aren’t worth your time, but they’re out there.
Yes, I have Major
Depression and yes, I am a human being. Treat me as how you see fit. I have
changed as a person; there is no doubt in that fact. But I am not looking for ‘sympathy’
or ‘pity’ because I have an illness. If you don’t want to be nice to me, so be
it. You are not needed in my life. Treat me as T.J. Smith, not as ‘the guy who
spoke out about his Depression’ or ‘the guy that has Depression’. So far
people, you have been awesome!
7.
It’s not easy to talk about mental illness
It varies from person to person. Some people feel comfortable
doing this their whole lives.
Others will never tell anyone.
I wasn’t ready to start writing about being bipolar until I was in
my 30s and, even now, when someone talks to me about an article or the topic it
can feel disconcerting.
Because, as a society, it still isn’t done in the easy, open way
we talk about physical illness.
Very accurate point.
Took me ten years or so to break. Took about the same time to speak about it,
or to build up the nerve. Mental Health care is not where it should be. Society
still not open about it. I am trying to change that by advocating and
encouraging others to speak out about it. Once you conquer the fear of speaking
out about it, you completed the first step to accepting it and then accepting
you need help. I feel, if I had not spoken about it, I would be in a very bad
spot. I just turned 30. I have lots to tell about my past and I know the future
will be intriguing as well. Speaking and writing about my thoughts and feelings
have saved my life.
8. It
can make you paranoid and hypersensitive
I’m using those words in the common sense not in the medical
sense. When you’ve been mentally unwell, you may take things to heart more than
before.
Before, if friends or colleagues forgot to invite you to the pub
you’d think nothing of it.
After, you may wonder if you’d been deliberately excluded.
I have experienced this.
If I did not get asked to do things by whomever, I would start questioning
myself. “Do they like me?” “They don’t like me”, “I am not a good friend”, “I
must be annoying”, “I am a piece of shit”, “I am probably annoying and stupid”,
“Nobody likes me”, “Time to go kill yourself you worthless fuck”. Yeah, all of
those thoughts have come across my mind thousands of times.
9. It
can knock your confidence
You may feel like you’ve crossed over from the ‘normals’ to the
outsiders. Not the cool outsiders who smoke behind the bike sheds and
deliberately break the rules, the outcasts.
Or at least that’s how it felt to me, as a teenager, when I first
went mad.
Confidence in my abilities, looks, and life in general was shaken
dramatically.
It does return, but it takes time.
Interesting point for
me. Some days, I can look in the mirror and see a reflection I am proud of.
Most days, I hated the reflection. I would lose confidence in everything.
Sports, which I can hold my own at anything I do, would sometimes be difficult
because I questioned myself. Doubt. Doubt can be a life-sucking bastard. I
still think I am ugly and unlovable. Trying to overcome that, but it is a
battle. It is something that will take time- and lots of it.
10.
You don’t just get better
This one can be a hard one to get your head round.
If someone is very mentally unwell, think of it like breaking a
bone.
It will mend but there may still be situations they need to avoid.
For instance, if someone had broken a leg you probably wouldn’t
wonder why they weren’t going to the gym every night or were running a marathon
with everyone else that year.
So, you’re telling me
there is no magical pill that takes all of this away? No injection that kills
the demons inside of me? I am shocked. I have years of torture built up in my
mind and heart. You just can’t get rid of that with a prescription, or one
visit to a psychiatrist or family doctor. One thing for certain; if you are
willing to admit to and fight your Mental Illness, it will require time,
patience, and trust. It is a war. Not just a battle. Your attitude is in your
control. Your attitude determines what and how much you want to be a warrior.
Everyday will not be easy for me, but those days will no longer defer me from
living my life. I have developed the skills and coping mechanisms to help with
the bad days. I still eat some pills to help put the monsters to sleep at
night. I still drive over seven hours, returned trip, to see a counsellor for
one hour. I still drive that same amount of time, a week later, to get ECT
treatments.
Similarly, don’t be surprised if someone who is recovering from a
serious mental illness needs to rest more, or not take on quite as much work as
they did previously. It’s different for everyone though.
Having written all this, one thing I would say to anyone who’s
experienced a mental health problem is that it isn’t a scarlet letter. The
upside of an invisible illness (if you can call it an upside) is that most
people won’t notice.
In my experience, most people are far too busy in their own heads
– who they fancy, where their careers are going, what they’re having for dinner
– to spend much time thinking about or judging you.
I made a decision. I am not going to lose.
Nothing can stop me. Nothing will stop me. If I have a few bad days in a row,
guess what, I am going to admit myself to a Psychiatric Unit. I already checked
it out in Truro. I am not too proud to seek help when needed. I’ll go back 100
times, if it keeps me alive. I am eating healthier and working out more than
ever. I have a game plan. I have bought into it. I have teammates that have my
back. I have developed the necessary skills and abilities to win. I know I have
the character, attitude, and inspiration to defeat any oncoming challengers. I
will compete for every breath in my life. I will never give up. Just try and
stop me.
“Put your heart, mind, and soul into even your smallest acts.
This is the secret of success.”
-
Swami Sivananda
Yours Truly,
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