Life Changing Encounter- March 2018

My next move will be a big change in my life. I do not know when that will happen. I do not have a timeline. There is no pressure to make an ill-fated and quick decision. I am open to the possibilities. I am optimistic about the future. It does not scare me anymore.

I am writing in good spirits tonight. I many have swallowed some anxiety pills, so I am somewhat mellowed out. I am calm and I am clear.

I almost killed myself once. It was a dark time for me. It was at that point in my life where I felt there was nothing left for me in this world. It was something I really believed.

Fast forward to the present. There has been a lot of work done by me and others to keep me above ground. A lot of sacrifices made by my family. A lot of support given by friends and strangers. Recently, something amazing has happened to me. The thought of it makes me smile still.

I met someone. No, not romantically, but met someone. At first glance, I could tell that this person was different and special. Something about this person made me excited and definitely not nervous. It was pure emotion and feelings from me. It was something extremely real to me. Something I don't know much of. Something I may have never felt before.

It was something good. Maybe, even great.

I couldn't stop listening to this person. Everything that was said meant more than words to me. It also meant something to that person. It was genuine. I may never see this person again, but for a few hours, everything felt real and meaningful.

When I present to people about my life journey, I talk about hope and finding meaning in life as a part of my recovery. My recent experience was one of those moments.

I never anticipated it, or even saw it coming. Maybe the greatest things in life are never anticipated. It was unreal. I told this person how I felt. I couldn't keep it in. I expressed to this person how meeting them made me feel.

This person made me smile like I never had before. It was also the first time in a long time I smiled from positive emotion. May people surrounded us, but I only saw one person. I heard only one person. I truly felt connected to another individual. That night never had enough hours, as I did not want the night to end.

Irony time.

There have been so many nights in my life I wished were over quickly, Many nights I wished I was dead. The pain was almost unbearable. So many painful nights.

This night was the opposite. The pain of all those nights combined couldn't compare or take away the pure happiness I experienced recently. Actually, I am glad that I did endure the bad times for that one night. Honestly, it was amazing and magical for me.

I've suffered for so long and so much. This person took away all my pain instantly. Nothing else and no one else mattered. This person brought me outside of my comfort zone and made me feel safe out there. This person challenged me and made me a better person, even if it was for a few hours.

Nothing sexually took place. There wasn't even a simple kiss or first kiss, in this case. There may never be a first kiss. And that is OK. This person made me feel, even if it was for a few hours.

This person reminded me why I continue to fight for my life each and every day. This person made me feel like I do have a purpose and I was worthy of life. This person reassured me that my life was necessary. This person inspired me and gave me more hope. For that, I sincerely thank you. You have no idea what kind of influence you had over me. You will never understand how much joy and pleasure you brought me by just talking to me. You made me a better person in a few short hours. You are special to me. I will never forget you. I do hope our paths cross again. You changed me and you did it by just being yourself.

"Life begins at the end of your comfort zone."
                                       - Neale Donald Walsch

Forever Grateful,

T.J. Smith