Personally, I have been doing well. I mean, for a guy who suffers from Major Depression. Hockey season has started. It keeps my mind busy. Therefore, it helps with hiding or preventing damaging thoughts. A positively mind is crucial to my battle against my illness.
A story was written about my Depression and me coming public with it. It was published in a few newspapers in Nova Scotia. I have a lot of positive feedback from being so honest with my story. Actually, I do not consider it a story. It's just my life and my illness. Stories are made up. My battle is real and true. Non-fiction.
Since the newspaper article, people from all over Canada has reached out to me. It's tremendously humbling. People I do not know saying my battle is inspiring. People telling me that coming 'clean' with my illness has helped them understand more and find themselves seeking help. Some share their experience with me, but still, a lot of people do not know about it.
Hearing people tell me their side of things has made me realize that speaking out about my Depression is critical for helping others. I am starting to grasp that I am helping others. I am finding purpose in my life. As brutality honest as I have been, painful at times, it helps others.
We cannot change the past. What I have been through mentally and emotionally and physically has been detrimental to my life. It has left scars on my mind, my heart, and my soul. Things I want to forget, but never will. My memory is inconsistent, but there are thoughts and feelings I will never forget. It's impossible to lose those memories.
Retaining those memories has equipped me to aid other people in their battle.
Sharing the feelings and thoughts allows me to comprehend others who suffer from Depression. It's incredible how many people have reached out to me. I am not surprised by the number of people, because as the stat indicates, 1 in 5 suffer some type of mental illness. I am not surprised people have hid their illness for years. I am not surprised that people are still uneasy to share their illness with many people. In some cases, their own family members do not even know. It is not sad or embarrassing. It is an illness and it is not an easy thing to do. I know. I honestly do.
Each day I talk to someone about Mental Health. Some people I have known for awhile. Some people I just recently got to know. Not one bad person in the bunch. Just people suffering from an illness and have concerns. I totally get what they are experiencing. I do not know if it is my calling, but helping others is something I love. I don't want it to stop.
Helping other people has given me something to look forward to each day. It motivates me. I am willing to meet people for coffee. Talk over Facebook. I would even go visit people if they are in the hospital. Why do I do this? Simple. The pain that they are going through cannot be comprehended by someone that does not suffer. I suffer everyday in different ways. I can help others battle their demons because I am winning my battle against my demons, and personally, I believe I am a winner. So far, no one can argue that because I still have air in my lungs and a beat in my chest.
My goal is clear, in my eyes. I am making a difference in people's lives. To a certain degree, I am helping to save their lives. I used to be the worse listener in the world. My mind was occupied by monsters that prevented me from being present.
The things in my life I can control, I work on. Things I cannot control, I don't get frustrated with anymore. The absolute biggest thing for me is acceptance. Accepting who I am. Accepting my illness. Accepting help. Accepting support. Accepting my past. Accepting that speaking publicly about my illness helps people. And in the very instance it helps people, it also helps me. I haven't done it yet, but I have to accept I am helping other people and with that, I have to accept it helps me.
"It is not so much our friends' help that helps us, as the confidence of their help."
- Epicurus
Yours Truly,
T.J. Smith
Hey TJ, I'm an American who lives part time north of St. A(Quirpon) who read about you in the Northern Pen. In spite of the outward signs of much success, I struggled for much of my life with inner demons. In spite or maybe because of years of therapy and medication. I remained an unhappy/occasionally suicidal person well into my 50's, when something finally clicked. Though I still have "troubles" once in a while, I've finally achieved some real joy in my life. I am so very glad I didn't do something awful to myself, because then I couldn't have had the fun and friends I now have.
ReplyDeleteBeing around northern Newf for nearly twenty years now, I've sadly seen too many people here commit suicide or just drink themselves to death, in part because they just couldn't admit to their friends and family how awful they felt inside. So I was pleased to see the article about you in the paper. Keep talking and keep taking care of yourself--you are doing good. Thanks.
Mark