How do you prepare for the inevitable uncertainty? You know
it is coming. There is no cheating it. There is no way to watch it pass by. It
is natural as the human heart. It's not a test. It can be viewed as a
destination. You don't know when it will come. The anticipation is our life.
Everything we do or don't do in life will come to a halt. It's not how you
finish this race. Actually, life isn't a race. No need to rush through it. We
know what is at the end. This isn't a race, even though there is a finish line.
We will all get the checkered flag at some point. And what follows the
checkered flag? A celebration.
I read more than ever now. Learning new insights on things
in life. What makes it valuable. One thing I am trying to rid myself of is
hate. It isn't easy when you are filled with sadness and anger. How to empty my
heart with the sadness and anger? Answer; Forgiveness.
I just read a short excerpt from a book. Got my brain
thinking and my heart feeling. Forgiveness. Never thought of it before. Too
bitter and blaming everyone else for my problems. Was always feeling sorry for
myself. Never my fault. I have recently opened my heart and began a forgiveness
journey. I knew where my first stop was down this road. I am not getting into
details about the situation. No one's business but the people involved. But I
have forgive that person. I have accepted that. I am aware of myself. I am
honest with myself when I say, "I have accepted this fate". What I
have come to terms with is you cannot change a person's feelings. But more
importantly, the heart does not lie. I see and feel the love. It isn't for me.
And for the first time, I am OK with that and have accepted it. It makes me
happy to see someone else happy. There is no competition or envy. Just joy.
It's a good thing. A happy thing.
It's kind of like death. Well, no. On second thought, death
isn't a happy thing. That's what life is for. To create happiness and joy. To
smile. When I die, my legacy will be quantified by the smiles at my funeral,
not the tears. It will be measure by the lasting impressions I leave on my
friends, family, and even strangers. When I die, my eyes will close and my
heart will be open. (I think that is a line from The Bucket List). There is no
point going through life filled with anger, sadness, and other negative
feelings. Living with those feelings only get you to death faster.
Anger is a by-product of the Devil. The more that is in you,
the more likely you will live a life in anguish and die with a frown on your
face and a locked gate to your heart. It is easier to hate than to love, but it
is also easier to die than live. They go hand-in-hand.
Being vengeful decays the heart. Tears away at it. Hinders
it's ability. Wounds do heal. No matter how deep the cut is. They may leave
scars. It is from those scars that we use as reminders to not make the same mistakes.
We all have been wounded in our lives. I encountered and so far, endured a swarm
of wounds recently. It tore away at my heart, mind, and soul. It brought me to
my knees. It had me clutched in a nasty submission. I almost tapped out. I was
minutes from giving up. A few last breaths from my demise. That was the
breaking point for me. The changing point in my life. My wounds are slowly
healing. Forgiveness has stitched up some of the cuts.
I continue to reflect. Acceptance is something new for me. I
will admit, it is not an easy thing for me to do. But it is a controllable
factor. You decide if you accept. I chose to accept my illness and needed to
get help. I have accepted that it will be a battle. I have accepted my life
will be completely different. I have accepted myself. Accepting doesn't mean it
is always the right answer or the favourable thing for me. Although, the one
person that needs to feel good about it is me. The decisions or actions or
words by others does not and cannot determine my path.
"Acceptance and tolerance and forgiveness, those are life-altering lessons."
- Jessica Lange
Yours Truly,
T.J. Smith
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